Joke S9-002 Sexy Jokes

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"That's your business, sir, not mine." "Den I create von mauvaise affaire--von granny mistake!" "I hope not. i do not suppose you have got thrown your cash away within the land." "No, sare; however I tro it avay in Diamond State vatare!" "That's not my fault." "Yes, sare, however it's your fault. you are von ver granny rascal to swindle ME out of Diamond State l'argent." "Hello, old Poopoo, you grow personal; and if you cannot keep a civil tongue in your head, you must quit of my counting-room." "Vare shall i am going to, eh?" "To the devil, for zip I care, you foolish previous Frenchman!" same the auctioneer, waxing warm. "But, sare, I vill not move to Diamond State devil to oblige you!" replied the Frenchman, waxing warmer. "You sheat ME out of all Diamond State dollar vot I create in Shatham Street; however I vill not go to Diamond State devil for all audiotape. I vish you'll move to Diamond State devil yourself you dem yankee-doo-dell, and I vill go and drown myself, tout Diamond State suite, right avay." "You could not create a more robust use of your water privileges, old boy!" "Ah, miséricorde!

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Ah, mon dieu, je suis abîmé. i'm ruin! i'm done up! i'm break all into 10 sousan leetle pieces! i'm von elected official, and that i shall vaddle across Diamond State granny ocean for Paris, vish is Diamond State solely valuarble vatare privalege audiotape is left ME à present!" Poor Poopoo was nearly as good as his word. He sailed within the next packet, and arrived in Paris almost as impecunious because the day he left it. Should anyone feel disposed to doubt the veritable circumstances here recorded, let him cross the sound to the Wallabout, and farmer J---- can row him bent on the terribly place where the poor Frenchman's tons still stay underneath water. It was a cold Nov afternoon. I had simply consummated an extraordinarily hearty dinner, of that the dyspeptic truffe shaped not the smallest amount necessary item, and was sitting alone in the dining-room with my feet upon the fender and at my elbow atiny low table that I had rolled up to the hearth, and upon that were some apologies for sweet, with some miscellaneous bottles of wine, spirit, and intoxicant. within the morning I had been reading Glover's king, Wilkie's Epigoniad, Lamartine's journey, Barlow's Columbiad, Tuckerman's Sicily, and Griswold's Curiosities, i'm willing to confess, therefore, that I now felt to a small degree stupid. I created effort to arouse myself by frequent aid of Laffite, and all failing, I betook myself to a stray newspaper in despair.

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Having fastidiously perused the column of "Houses to let," and also the column of "Dogs lost," so the columns of "Wives and apprentices runaway," I attacked with nice resolution the editorial matter, and reading it from setting out to finish while not understanding a language unit, planned the possibility of its being Chinese, then re-read it from the top to the start, but with no additional satisfactory result. i used to be concerning discard in disgust This folio of 4 pages, happy work Which not even critics criticise, when I felt my attention somewhat aroused by the paragraph that follows: "The avenues to death ar varied and strange. A London paper mentions the decease of an individual from a singular cause. He was enjoying at 'puff the dart,' that is compete with a long needle inserted in some worsted, and blown at a target through a tin tube. He placed the needle at the incorrect finish of the tube, and drawing his breath powerfully to puff the dart forward with force, thespian the needle into his throat. It entered the lungs, and in a very few days killed him." Upon seeing this I fell into an excellent rage, while not specifically knowing why. "This factor," I exclaimed, "is a contemptible falsehood--a poor hoax--the lees of the invention of some pitiable penny-a-liner, of some wretched concocter of accidents in Cocaigne.

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These fellows knowing the extravagant naiveness of the age set their wits to figure within the imagination of unbelievable potentialities, of strange accidents as they term them, but to a reflecting intellect (like mine, I added, in parenthesis, swing my index unconsciously to the facet of my nose), to a contemplative understanding like i personally possess, it looks evident right away that the marvelous increase recently in these 'odd accidents' is far and away the oddest accident of all. For my very own half, I will believe nothing henceforward that has something of the 'singular' concerning it." "Mein Gott, den, vat a vool you bees for dat!" replied one in all the foremost outstanding voices I ever heard. initially I took it for a rumbling in my ears--such as a person generally experiences once obtaining terribly drunk--but upon turnaround, I thought of the sound as more nearly resembling that that income from AN empty barrel overwhelmed with an enormous stick; and, in fact, this I ought to have all over it to be, except for the articulation of the syllables and words. i'm by no means that naturally nervous, and also the only a few glasses of Laffite that I had sipped served to cheer ME to a small degree, in order that I felt nothing of apprehensiveness, but merely elated my eyes with a leisurely movement and looked fastidiously round the area for the interloper.

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I couldn't, however, understand anyone in the least. "Humph!" resumed the voice as I continued my survey, "you mus letter of the alphabet thus dronk as Diamond State pig den for not letter ME as I zit here at your zide." Hereupon I bethought ME of wanting instantly before my nose, and there, sure enough, attempt ME at the table Sat a personage nondescript, though not altogether indescribable. His body was a wine-pipe or a rum puncheon, or one thing of that character, and had a very fictitious character air. In its nether extremity were inserted 2 kegs, which perceived to answer all the needs of legs. For arms there dangled from the higher portion of the body 2 tolerably long bottles with the necks outward for hands. All the head that I saw the monster possessed of was one in all those Wellington boot canteens that resemble an oversized snuff-box with a hole within the middle of the lid. This canteen (with a funnel on its high sort of a cavalier cap unerect over the eyes) was assault edge upon the puncheon, with the outlet toward myself; and thru this hole, that appeared wrinkled up like the mouth of a awfully precise previous maid, the creature was emitting sure rumbling and grumbling noises that he obviously supposed for intelligible speak. "I zay," said he, "you mos letter of the alphabet dronk as Diamond State pig, vor zit dare and not letter ME zit ere; and that i zay, doo, you mos letter of the alphabet pigger vool as Diamond State goose, vor to dispelief vat iz print in Diamond State print.

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'Tiz de troof--dat it iz--ebery vord ob it." "Who ar you, pray?" same I with abundant dignity, though somewhat puzzled; "how did you get here? and what's it you're talking about?" "As vor ow I com'd ere," replied the figure, "dat iz none of your pizziness; and as vor vat I be talking apout, I be speak apout vat I chink proper; and as vor United Nations agency I be, vy audiotape is Diamond State terribly ting I com'd here for to allow you to letter for yourself." "You ar a sottish vagabond," said I, "and I shall ring the bell and order my manservant to kick you into the road." "He! he! he!" same the guy, "hu! hu! hu! audiotape you cannot do." "Can't do!" same I, "what does one mean? i can not do what?" "Ring Diamond State pell," he replied, making an attempt a smile together with his very little wicked mouth. Upon this I created a trial to urge up so as to place my threat into execution, but the ruffian simply reached across the table terribly deliberately, and striking ME a faucet on the forehead with the neck of 1 of the long bottles, knocked ME back to the armchair from that I had 0.5 arisen. i used to be totally amazed, and for a flash was quite at a loss what to try to to. within the in the meantime he continued his speak. "You zee," said he, "it iz te bess vor zit still; and currently you shall recognize United Nations agency I letter of the alphabet. Look at me! zee! i'm te Angel Orange Group te Odd." "And odd enough, too,"

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I ventured to reply; "but i used to be continually underneath the impression that an ANgel had wings." "Te wing!" he cried, extremely outraged, "vat I letter of the alphabet do Massachusetts Institute of Technology te wing? Mein Gott! does one take me for a shicken?" "No--oh, no!" I replied, abundant alarmed; "you aren't any chicken--certainly not." "Well, den, zit still and pehabe yourself, or i will rap you once more middle ME vist. It iz te shicken ab te wing, und te bird of Minerva ab te wing, und te imp ab te wing, und te head-teuffel ab te wing. Te angel ab not te wing, and that i am te Angel Orange Group te Odd." "And your business with ME at the present is--is----" "My pizziness!" ejaculated the factor, "vy vat a low-bred puppy you mos letter of the alphabet vor to raise a gentleman und AN angel apout his pizziness!" This language was rather quite I might bear, even from AN angel; thus, plucking up courage, I taken a salt-cellar that lay accessible, and hurled it at the pinnacle of the intruder. Either he dodged, however, or my aim was inaccurate; for all I accomplished was the demolition of the crystal that protected the dial of the clock upon the mantelpiece.

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As for the Angel, he evinced his sense of my assault by giving ME 2 or three hard, consecutive raps upon the forehead as before. These reduced ME right away to submission, and that i am nearly sheepish to confess that, either through pain or vexation, there came some tears into my eyes. "Mein Gott!" same the Angel of the Odd, apparently abundant softened at my distress; "mein Gott, te man is eder ferry dronk or ferry zorry. You mos not trink it thus strong--you mos put te water in te wine. Here, trink dis, sort of a smart veller, and do not gry now--don't!" Hereupon the Angel of the Odd replenished my goblet (which was a couple of third choked with port) with a colorless fluid that he poured from one in all his hand-bottles. I determined that these bottles had labels concerning their necks, which these labels were inscribed "Kirschenwässer." The tactful kindness of the Angel mollified ME in no very little measure; and, aided by the water with that he diluted my port quite once, I at length regained ample

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